i've heard a lot of diet/self-control/self-loathing stories that just spiral suddenly into a full-blown disorder. but myself, i realized that i was developing a disorder almost from the get-go. i saw the path that i was taking, and i wasn't scared, or even happy; i was just completely indifferent. i saw myself completely falling deeper and deeper into a disorder, and i just plain didn't care. i didn't try to get better, i didn't try to get worse, i just existed, almost completely without feelings, but still completely aware of the situation.
so.. a few questions for you all:
in the early stages of your disorder, did you experience denial?
if you realized that you were developing a disorder, how did you feel when you realized it?
do you think that if you were more conscious of your disorder, you could have "stopped" (for lack of a better word) it?
and lastly, if you were indifferent towards developing a disorder, what do you think caused it?
i hope this makes sense.
this is my first post and i've had a terribly exhausting day.