somesayim_plump (somesayim_plump) wrote in ed_ucate,

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Just looking for some feedback here.

When my disorder "began," I suppose, I would restrict. Constantly. Eating as little as possible throughout the day, drinking tons of water, all of that. but eventually, as I got further into it, I began the horrific binge/purge cycle.

I usually go through phases. For a while, I'll restrict heavily. Then I'll just hit a point where I'm constantly bingeing/purging. I don't understand why I just can't stick to one or the other. Is this common among the eating disordered? There's something about being classified as EDNOS that just.. irritates me. and I feel like an idiot for feeling this way, but it's just the truth.

Also, this might sound weird, but for those of you who, maybe "plan" your binges, how do you usually go about doing so? For example, today, for some strange reason, I decided to binge on chocolate muffins. Unfortunately, i tend to binge on sweets.. but anyway.

Rather than going out to the store and buying muffins, I decided to sit down and bake them. Myself. I've been doing this quite a bit lately, and I really have no idea why. I feel like I need to earn my binge, almost. To justify it, I suppose? Plus, I guess I feel better when I purge, because I made it myself, therefore, I'm only purging whatever it is that I made, as opposed to something I bought or somethig my mom made? I don't really understand it.

Has anyone else done anything similar? Felt the same way?

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