beepea (beepea) wrote in ed_ucate,

Worth it?

Second question!

2) I have been in recovery for the past 18 months. Only recently, without school pressures, I have really put all my effort into getting better- and i'm gaining weight. I looked back on the past year and realised that my weight has only changed by about 5lbs in total (by going up and down and up and down). I really don't think it was "worth it"

If i'd just not restricted myself and tried to focus my energy on activities other than my ED, chances are i'd be exactly the same weight now- a year on- but a lot happier, and with a lot more going for me.

Does anyone else feel like this? My recovery feels very much like me "letting go" of my ED.. the only thing i'm finding hard is dealing with the anxiety of weight gain, but after looking back over the past 12 months, I realised I just slowed down my metabolism and gave myself pretty un-necessary and "illogical" greif (e.g. Not eating any Christmas cake at Chritmas for fear that it would make me gain weight / binge.. it ruined my Christmas).

I mean- to fully recover, you're really going to have to have a healthy relationship with food which will probably mean being at a "normal" weight (and having periods) anyway... so maintaining an unnaturally low body weight is just putting off the inevitable?!?

Does anyone else have any comments on this?
I don't know about any of you, but hindsight is the best recovery motivation I have at the moment...

Looking forward to hearing replies :)

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