lilacpetals (lilacpetals) wrote in ed_ucate,
lilacpetals
lilacpetals
ed_ucate

Recovered

Does anybody else on this community consider themself to be recovered? If you do, at what point (like what kinds of criteria) did you decide that this enigma called "recovery" had happened to you? (hmm sounds like in the velvetine rabbit, when "real" happens...but i'm off topic already).

For me, I first thought that I was better when I'd gained all the weight back - but I was about as naive as my doctor, and we both thought that that was all that an ED was. When I "relapsed" again less than a year later, I realized that I hadn't really been recovered in the first place.

Now, again, I believe that I'm better. I've maintained a healthy weight for several years, eaten well *most* of the time for nearly two years, and if someone were to ask me, "what terrifies you more, losing weight or gaining weight," I'd answer "losing weight." I no longer think that emaciated women are pretty. I'm not jealous of thin people, but instead I'm jealous of people who don't care about their bodies - and I've realized that I can classify myself into that category, because whenever girls are whining about how they look, I consider myself not just one of the lucky ones because I'm thin, but one of the lucky ones because I'm not worried about my weight. I considered myself recovered as of the day when my therapist released me from her care, since as far as she could tell I didn't have an eating disorder any more.

if you are recovered, when did you realize that you're recovered?
if you're not, what do you expect to be the thing that will make you cross that line?
whether or not you're recovered, what scares you more - losing enough weight to be extremely sick, or being a normal weight.
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