i call myself cassandra in my head (shinygobonkers) wrote in ed_ucate,
i call myself cassandra in my head

Waste of Money?

This is my first time posting here. Hello all. Didn't see anything about this in memories. Hope it's not a repeat or anything, um.

I was just thinking about it today...about how much a waste of money eating disorders are. Like, just looking at myself. My eating issues are not "severe". I've never been clinically anorexic or bulimic, I've never been hospitalized, I've never taken any kind of medication. For that matter, as far as expenses are concerned, I don't even abuse laxatives or diet pills. And yet nonthless, when I think of it:

-I cannot buy food in bulk. If I buy it in bulk I might or perhaps even WILL eat it all at once. Or too much per sitting, certainly. Objectively or in my mind, I'm not sure. But all the same, really. Depending on my mindset I'll either purge or just spaz about how much weight I'll gain. Not worth it. So I don't. And. Buying individual snacks or just enough food for one meal is expensive. I have a meal plan at college so I don't even buy groceries all that much, but even so. A pack of fig newtons is like $4. It contains...20+ of them? A individually wrapped one from the vending machine, containing two, is .80$ So, it's like...twice the money, if you assume I'll eventually eat as many as are in a pack. But I can't buy the pack because I'll eat more then two and that will be TOO MUCH and I'll purge. etc.

-Caffeine. I abuse caffeine. Why? Well, there's a physical addiction most certainly, but 90% of it is psychological and related to the eating disordered mindset. Caffeine equates, in my mind, with speeding up the metabolism. Whether it really does so to any signigicant degree is irrelevant at this point. I use it heavily as a compensatory mechanism in addition to or in leiu of purging, depending. All those coffees and sugarfree energy drinks and caffeine mints add up, you know?

-OTC antacids are expensive. As are excedrine etc. Acid reflux means I use Pepcid Complete more then I should/most people would. I did the Prolosec OTC and it helped, but even moreso expensive. etc. Headaches and abdominal pain frequently, probably related to the ED behaviors in some way, means I go through excedrine/tylenol etc. faster then normal also. Money money.

-In my more...disordered phases, we also have this fun pattern of...buy something completly normal, like a bag of multigrain pita chips. A fairly healthy regular snack. Makes sense if I'm hungry, right? I eat it, I can't stand it in my body, I purge it. Hungry again. Essentially that's a waste of money too because I end up in the same place, if not worse feeling, then before, and more food means more money ETC. The meal plan is somewhat useful in this regard because if I must purge dinner I can make myself a piece of toast afterwards (buffet type dining hall) but I imagine if this keeps up when I'm on my own it would...be quite financially blah.

So yeah, all health issues aside, from a financial perspective it would seem that eating disorders are quite unfortunate. Any one have similar conclusions/experiences etc?

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