Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit. (expanding_soul) wrote in ed_ucate,
Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit.

disordered eating.

Hello. Mods -- if this is an inappropriate post, please delete, I'm not looking to break any rules or anything, but I don't believe this would be against the rules...

Anyway, hi. I don't remember if I've posted here or not. Been a member for kinda a while. I may have posted about this a while ago.
I've been in counseling for over a year and finally am making some good progress due to getting on antidepressants and those helping me clear my head. I was bulimic when I was 17 up until I don't know when, though I purged as recently as a couple of days ago but I'm not really bulimic anymore, I don't have those habits anymore anyway, but when I've talked to my counselor about it he brought up the term 'disordered eating' and said that's what was going on with me; I never really knew about the concept before but it makes sense.

Anyway I just wanted to know who else here would share with me their experiences with this, having disordered eating and not an ED.

I'm trying hard to move on past all my shit and this is one huge thing that is still bothering me; for about the past couple of weeks or so I was doing really good and just eating when I was hungry, and I know I get to be really good about it when I'm in a really good place mentally, but lately I've been slipping back and I know part of it is because I had caught myself and the fact that part of the disordered eating thoughts for me is constantly thinking about food, I was thinking about the fact that I was only eating when I was hungry and somehow the past two days I've slipped back to old habits. If that makes sense. And whenever I tell myself that I shouldn't eat, that's all I want to do, and I know that part of my thinking when I'm in a good spot all around is that I will allow myself to have anything and therefore I won't eat crap food or a lot of junk food; like Margaret Cho called it, the 'fuck it' diet haha.
I guess it's just part of my self-destructive habits, aha.

I was thinking if I heard from some other folks, maybe it would help me with trying to stop this before it gets bad again. I definitely don't mean ways to stop hunger or eating. Just support, you know? Just knowing I'm not alone. The positive kind of support.

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