drives like a demon from station to station (skramamme) wrote in ed_ucate,
drives like a demon from station to station

Getting partners/loved ones to educate themselves on ED's

Hi, I'm new here but a few of you might recognise me from various other sites. I'm really looking forward to gaining some insight into ED's and the ways in which people deal (or don't deal) with them.
A little background...
I was recently diagnosed with AN and am struggling with accepting the diagnosis as I don't feel like I 'deserve' that diagnosis. However, due to a lot of family pressure I am now attending an OP programme and have even put on a few kilo's to keep the peace. Of course I can't handle the weight, and it's causing me to feel really uncomfortable, so I will be reducing again- I'm just not ready to gain yet. But it is causing so many problems at home...
The problem is that losing equals stress with my partner Sean... tense dinner times with my 3 1/2 year old daughter and my 16 year old step son at the table, general disharmony in the home etc :(
But one of the biggest frustrations is my partners unwillingness to get support for himself as I tackle my ED. Fair enough he didn't ask for this, it's not fair, I was 'okay' when we first started going out (lol, except for BPD, depression, and the list goes on... ;P) and that it's my issue. And yes, it's not fair, he didn't sign on for this, but it is what it is.
I feel that his reluctance to attend a support group, or see a counsellor or even chat with my treating doctor is doing us both harm. Sean doesn't understand my mindset at all. He doesn't get how I can see body fat where apparently there is none, he doesn't understand why I can't just 'be happy' and not stress. He gets so frustrated with my panic at trying to find something to wear when I'm having a 'fat day'. He gives me grief about how much I do or don't eat. I have even increased my dinner size to try and reduce the tension and it's still not enough. I get no credit for trying to improve things. I have gained 2 kilos (which mightn't mean much to most people, but it's a huge thing for me) but even that isn't enough.
I know it's scary for him, and he really is struggling to cope, but the ways he has gone about trying to 'snap me out of it' have only added to the strain. They have done far more damage than good (eg; 'you had the perfect body, now you just look sick..' to try and show me that this loss isn't a good thing, that I look better at a higher weight- all it did was make me feel ugly and self conscious and unwilling to show my body to him). I have asked him to please go and talk to someone because he needs to educate himself... Sean needs support if he is to support me, and he needs to learn how to distinguish between me and the ED.
Have other people struggled with this issue with their loved ones?
How did you go about getting them to seek support and become informed about ED's and the way they work? Did it make a difference to the way you related to one another?
And if you weren't able to convince them to do these things do you believe it hindered you? Did it cause a lot of damage to the relationship?
I don't want to give up on this relationship, there's so much at stake, but I know we can't continue with this constant conflict over food, weight, recovery, relapse... the whole thing is just exhausting.
Any advice, experiences, anything really would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry for such a long post too :)
Em x

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