1) did your eating disorder begin as an unconscious coping mechanism, not initially focused on weight loss, or did you start out thinking that being 'thin' would solve all of your problems and it spiraled out of control from there?
2) if you have RELAPSED in the past, did your frame of mind change? after suffering the consequences of having an ED, did you have to tell yourself something else to in order to embrace your eating-disordered behaviour again? or was it an unconscious thing, and if so, was it different from before?
1) my ED began as an attempt for control (big surprise), and as a side thought i figured that if i looked sick then people would want to stay away from me and i'd be safer. once i started losing weight, it was a big surprise to me because i wasn't restricting to lose weight as much as keep myself going, psychologically and emotionally. i told myself i'd keep restricting even if weight loss didn't occur. i'd been in therapy for depression years before i faced a full-blown eating disorder, and i knew from experience that feeling better wasn't as simple as reaching your goal weight.
i've never truly 'recovered' but my mindset around my eating disorder has changed. i recognize the ups and downs and why i know being thin won't fix anything, yet i still aim for the 'perfect' weight. my mind jumps all over the place.
anyway, i think this topic has been touched upon before, but i don't think that the idea of recovery/relapse was thrown in there too. i haven't been online much lately, however, so please let me know if there's a very similar post i've missed!