the bitch (whocupidkilled) wrote in ed_ucate,
the bitch

i don't know if this is the right place to post this,
just tell me and i'll delete it.
i just wanted reactions from people who actually think and spell correctly.

i often find myself experiencing short bouts of extreme fear over really irrational things. for example, i will turn off my desk lamp and have to run and leap into my bed from a yard away just so that my legs don't get close to underneath my bed where something could reach out and grab me. i am 19 years old. i logically know there is nothing underneath my bed, and that i will still be alive and well if i just get in bed like a normal person. i was not afraid of the dark as a child, so why am i now?

another example. everytime i get in the shower, i have to check for centipedes (there have been centipedes in my shower twice in the past few years, so it's not completely ungrounded). after i'm convinced that they aren't there, i can then turn on the shower. however, the split second before i do, i'm convinced that instead of water coming out of the shower, it will just be millions of centipedes. this happens almost every single time i shower, and i know it is completely ridiculous but i can't help it.

i just thought of another one. this one is kind of weird. everytime i go to the bathroom, i have to look into the toilet first to make sure nothing is in there that's going to..bite my ass, i guess :x really silly, i know, but i HAVE to look.

it's not that these images just come into my head and that's that, they actually cause my heart to race and i feel as if i've been put into an extremely dangerous situation, almost. like i have to do these things in order to calm myself down.

is this as weird as i think, or am i just being too dramatic?
does anyone experience anything similar?

also, this started around the same time as the onset of my eating disorder,
i don't know if there is a possible correlation or not.

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